Love: A Gift and a Curse

"We Accept the Love We Think We Deserve"

     I'm going to try and make this as least confusing and crazy as possible because I have many, many thoughts on love and relationships. I'm going to let you all in on my thoughts and feelings about what I think about it - Be Warned, there are lots of feelings here.

     To me... love and relationships can be the most heartfelt, warm, beautiful feeling that a person can experience in a lifetime. It's something that we can't see, feel, or touch - but yet, at the same time, it is all those things. That feeling can be the most magical thing in life and you'll never want to let it go. At least, this is what it is to me. 

      I am a "heart on my sleeve" kind of guy, which also means I prioritize them to the top of my list, almost above everything else. I will tell you my feelings right from the start and I don't lie about them to you. If I like you, you will know it (Unfortunately, this also goes for if I don't like you, as well.. ). When I like someone and I see the right traits in a significant other, my feelings are strong and powerful - and that scares some people, sometimes, which is understandable. That's not something that people usually do nowadays. I believe in no games, I like you and who you are, so lets move forward with this. Once I think this, I don't focus or look at any other girl like I do them; I only have eyes for the girl I like at the time. I'm only a one-girl type of guy, so, it's that girl I like and nobody else at the moment.

     I am forever die-hard loyal to her, once I like her. There are three things I cherish the most in this situation - loyalty, communication, and reciprocation. If both people have those three things in common, there is nothing that will stand in their way of happiness. These three things are everything. It will either break you or make you.

     I am happier being in a relationship, than being single. I hear every day that people are living it up being single and yada yada... and more power to them, but that's just not how I am. I am an incredibly social person, so it makes sense for me to want to be in a relationship, than not. I'm much more lonely being single. Don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean I'm not happy with myself or that I don't have amazing friends. But, having that kind of deep and intimate connection with someone is much more rewarding, personally.

     They are that person you can share deep secrets to, whom you can tell where you want to live when you're done with school or what your ambitions are - they are your person. This is that person you can annoy everyday and you guys will still be watching a movie together, cuddling at nighttime. They are the ones you people watch with and talk about random people you see or go try on outfits together, spending endless hours at the mall; only to smile at every single thing they wear because you think they're beautiful, no matter what they wear - no matter if it's a messy bun, glasses, and sweatpants or a stunning body tight dress to a dance. It's when you and your significant other doing the most subtle things that people don't notice, but it means the world to the both of you, like holding each others hands just by their pinky finger.

     I want to have a significant other that I can laugh with and joke around with. One that I can travel with on long road trips and Spring Break hotspots. I want one that I can take bomb-ass selfies with all the time and have everyone else be jealous of us. Someone where I can look into their eyes and I can see all the happiness in the world. I would be happy doing nothing together or everything we possibly could do in one day. I want to go to apple orchards and have cider and donuts and go to the beach and go to bonfires with. Walking together in a park at sunset is a dream for me; just nothing but us and the calm breeze. Being able to hold someone in your arms and feel like you're holding your entire world is the most amazing thing anyone could ever have. If I'm happy with a significant other, I am the most content with the world and my life, as I possibly can be. I will never be happier than with a blessing like that. I will feel like there is nothing else in the world that could make me happier and raised than at that current moment in my life.

     

     To me, the smallest gestures in a relationship make the biggest difference. Big ones are nice, but the small one always have a grand effect. Talking for hours and hours on the phone from evening until very early in the morning or them texting "I miss you" right after getting off the phone with them. Them saying "I wish you were here" when they're at an event where you're not at. Having someone wear my hoodie is one the things that will bring the biggest smile to my face in a second. When they do small surprises that you didn't know about or giving them a back massage because they had a tough day that day. When it comes to my SO, I will do everything in my power to make them happy and bring a smile to their face or make their day better. Surprising them with their favorite flower, bringing them chocolate or their favorite candies, cooking a meal for them, writing them a letter, picking them up and taking them on a spontaneous adventure, buying their favorite stuffed animal, just coming over and doing nothing but watch movies and spend time together, finding out they're sick and speeding over with medicine, flowers and soup, or just a combination of any of those things. I will stop at literal nothing to make sure they are smiling everyday and having them know I care about them. As long as they're smiling, then my heart can smile, too.

     Reciprocation is everything to me. It's what lets people know that they feel the same way about you and that this feeling you have for them is real and isn't a wasted venture. There's nothing more satisfying and relieving than when this comes to a reality. When they do some kind of small gesture for you, without you asking them, is the best feeling. To me, it means we're on the same page and you understand what I'm feeling and you're feeling something similar. 

Now, flip this love coin and there's the opposite of all this happiness...

     I do tell all my feelings and my loyalty is unwaivering for someone - so, naturally, that all has happened to backfire on me, as well. When this happens, there is no harder blow in life. It is partially due to my own fault because I do dive in with all my feelings and I make that person priority over 98% of the rest of my life. But, this is just how I am, and I can't change how I feel about someone. The reality is, they either like you or they don't. However, since I give them all my trust and loyalty to begin with, it's easy for me to be kept as an option or on the backburner. It's the most heart-breaking feeling to have when you're feelings are in limbo and they're not giving you the same back. 

     Even if this is the case and they don't like them the same, please just tell that person, so they know and they can handle what they're feeling and can start to move on from it. DO NOT drag them along just in case someone doesn't work out for you and you have them to fall back on. Take it from me, that is THE WORST POSSIBLE THING YOU CAN DO TO SOMEBODY. If they'e not what you want and you know that, let them go. It's the right thing to do and it's the only thing to do. This has happened to me so much it's ridiculous, and it's the most painful thing I've ever had to go through in life, several times. Even due to my astrological sign (Virgo) I am logical and I need solid answers, especially with relationships. If it doesn't work out, fine - tell me, so I can move on. There absolutely cannot be any grey area with it or I will go literally insane with my thoughts and feelings. My heart cannot be in limbo.

I cannot even explain how many songs speak spiritually to me about relationships! As soon as I hear a set of lyrics that have to do with it, I point them out in my head instantly.

     Really, if you think about the majority of songs, a lot of them have to do with love or relationships. I think I find I connect with these the best. For example, "What If" by Jason Derulo is a good one. He talks about two strangers meeting, and the girl gave him a chance, then they would have a whole future ahead of them - but, if they didn't even talk, then it would be like nothing ever happened in the first place. That concept is crazy for me! Or "Treat You Better" by Shawn Mendes for obvious reasons. "Roses" by Chainsmokers is another good one because of where it says 'I'll be your daydream, I'll be your favorite things - we could be beautiful. Get drunk on the good life, I'll take you to paradise... say you'll never let me go'... which is basically my life. "Firestone", both of the "Closer" songs, "Comfortable", "I Want It That Way", "Lean On", "Trumpets", "Am I Wrong", "Beauty and a Beat", "Cheerleader", "It Girl", and "Driving Me Crazy" are just a few examples out of hundreds I could list. Actually, a lot of songs on my iPod are probably just like these. It's like these lyrics describe my feelings for someone I like on such a great level and I'm just like, YASSS. 

I could say a whole novel full of things I think about love, but these are a few key points I wanted to share.

Moral of my heartfelt story is that if you have a chance at that amazingly, satisfying feeling at being in a relationship with someone that is magical for you in every way you can think of - Go. For. It.

That's what I do, because what's life if you don't take risks and if you don't put your whole heart out there for someone to catch?

Live free. Be kind.   

Stay loyal. Smile often.

#Always